Event#4 - desperation [tag : chris/TTW with cafeteria]

[Tara Macfly]

[Off-post : so self-harm is a pretty hard and heavy subject. I hope I treat it well. If someone want me to modify anything don't hesitate. I hope that everyone in the rp is not in this same state of mind. Love you all]

Tara entered the first room she found and fall on the ground still crying and sobbing loudly.

There had been one more death. Snooty. Her dear snooty killed herself in front of her. She couldn't believe it. It should have been nightmare. But the pain was real. She was dead. Because of Tara.

Her gaze fell on snooty's knife she had kept. She felt hypnotized. It was the only thing she had left if her dear friend.

Snooty had been her pillar for two years and now the object she had from her was something who could hurt. How ironic.

She touched the sharp blade and cut her finger. Blood fell from it. It hurts a little. It felt good for a moment.

Like an old ritual she get up her sleeves, where we could see the scars she inflicted herself and she tried to hide now.

When she had been at her lowest when she was bullied, the physical pain had helped her forget her psychological one. She had control over it, she didn't feel weak anymore.

With her parents and snooty's help she had learned to stop it.and when she went to maverick high that the bullying stopped. That she met Chris and after Lizzie. She didn't feel the need to cut herself anymore.

But right now she needed to feel physical pain.

She approached the knife near her wrist and started a little pressure on it.

The thought of going further crossed her like it had many times she done it. Snooty had been one of the thing in her life who kept her from doing it. And now she was gone. She left her. Abandonned her. And Tara was probably the cause of it.

She kept looking at the knife on her wrist crying loudly. Some blood fell from her wrist.

[Christopher Kresh]

After he had found dawn who had wandered off to the science lab the three of them had met up again. It had been getting later and later and they all had become thirsty when time went by. While the girls were looking for supplies in the science lab chris found his way to the cafeteria again. It was eerie to be in such a big hall on his own. No sounds of people talking or eating.. it was strange to say the least.

It was just him and his mind. And that was a scary thing. This whole thing was not going well with his mental health and the boy , even if he wanted to help everyone, he couldn't. And he knew that. People weren't looking for his help. He was a misfit. A nobody. Only a handful of people knew he existed and cared if that would change. At Least he felt that way. He knew there were people out there who cared and who tried to protect him, but they would never be able to protect him from the negative demons in his head.

All of the thinking made his head pound. He shook his head as he let out a shaking sigh.
And then he heard it. It was a soft sound but it was clear. Somebody was crying. He looked around him actually horrified either dawn or esme walked in telling him how the other lost their lives by some kind of paranormal freak accident.
Chris could feel his heartbeat heavy in his chest. He was alone. Nobody was in the room with him. However he still heard it.

Making his way to the wall the sound became clearer. He hesitated for a minute before calling out. “h-hello..?! Anybody there..?!”

[Tara Macfly]

“h-hello..?! Anybody there..?!”

Tara came out of her trance, looking away from the knife when she heard this familiar voice. A voice she liked so much and success in apaising her every time. She had been so afraid to never hear it again.

"Chris" She shout, running towards the wall, where the voice came from."It's Tara, I'm here. I'm so happy to hear you, I have been so afraid."  Her voice was still shaky from the crying but she tried to control it, to not worry her friend.

Shame surrounded her when she thought about what she had been thinking some minutes ago. She had envisioned to leave Chris here alone. Like Snooty did to her. She had been so egoistic. How could she have seriously think to kill herself ? She didn't thought about him. Neither about her parents. 

"How are you ? Are you injured ?" She asked her friend. She really hoped he didn't have any more texts from this crazy person and hadn't see any more tragical death. 

[Christopher Kresh]

“Chris!”

His head perked up as he heard his name. He knew that voice. Without second thought he had pressed himself against the wall to make sure his ear was as close to the wall as possible to hear the female better. It was tara.

It's Tara, I'm here. I'm so happy to hear you, I have been so afraid." She spoke. Chris immediately felt guilty. He could tell. He had heard her crying. It was clear tara was upset. “Yes..! Its me!” he said. “tara..! O my god.. I am so sorry..!” he started to apologize. “I should have never left you on your own! Im sorry..!” he bit his lip. He was so relieved to hear her voice. That meant she was alive, even if she she sounded sad.. she was still there. He couldn't shake off the horrible feeling of letting the person he cared so much about down. If something had happened to her he would never forgive himself for not being there.

"How are you ? Are you injured ?" Tara asked him. Chris was silent for a moment, looking down at his bloody uniform. He wasn't sure if he should tell tara about his injury. The girl was already upset. He knew. He had not misheard her cries. “I am fine!” he told her. He felt bad for lying but he couldn't bare the thought of making the already sad girl feel even worse. “how about you? I heard you were crying..! W-what happened..?” he asked as he was worried.

[Tara Macfly]

"Yes..! Its me!” she heard chris' voice said. “tara..! O my god.. I am so sorry..!” He started to apologize. Tara raised an eyebrow. Why was he apologizing for ? “I should have never left you on your own! Im sorry..!”

"Chris don't be sorry. Nothing here is your fault". She told in a calming voice. "If there is a culprit this is the person who is sending these texts" she said more angry thinking about this unknow person.

"And me too" she continued shame always raising in her heart "I shouldn't have left you alone after..." she didn't finish her sentence. She shouldn't talk about Andrei's death, right now.

“I am fine!” he told her. But she could tell it was just a lie to reassure her. Chris was so nice. Always thinking about others first before himself. He was the contrary of Tara. She didn't deserve him as a friend.

"Chris, please, you know you can tell me the truth." Tara pled slightly panicking imagining all the horrible things Chris could have been through. Did he saw someone else dying ?

“how about you? I heard you were crying..! W-what happened..?” He asked her.

"Oh no !" Tara thought.

He heard her crying. He knew how weak she was. And she worried him.

"Great job tara, you useless thing"

She was glad that at least he couldn't see how pathetic she was.

Anyway... even if he didn't heard her. She couldn't have lied and fake being alright. Not after snooty, not after the knife had been so close to her vein. She couldn't lie to him.

"I'm not really great." She answered "I learned a lot of horrible things from Thalia and Naomi, here. And..." the memory from earlier of Snooty falling came back again. She put her head in her hands, not supporting remembering it. She couldn't talk about it. It hurted too much. "A lot of things happened" she finally said.

[Christopher Kresh]

Chris listened to tara. No matter how many times she would tell him it wasn't his fault it wouldn't change his mind. tara couldn't even see..! she could have gotten hurt!
he heard her apologizing as he thought back at andrei’s last moment with them. “ I-Its.. .. “ he couldn't say it was okay. what happened to andrei was not okay. “ It's not your fault..” he said.

"Chris, please, you know you can tell me the truth." he heard tara say. Shit.. she knew. Chris sighed. “ .. I tripped and hit my head on a desk” he said softly. “ It's not bad don't worry..! just.. well.. some blood” and a pounding headache but he shouldn't make her worried while being upset. he was still standing and that mattered.

"I'm not really great." tara told him. Chris leaned against the wall as he listened to her. “ ..really..? what happened..?” he asked. "I learned a lot of horrible things from Thalia and Naomi, here. And..." Chris frowned. Thalia..? had tara seen her after he had blacked out? "A lot of things happened" tara ended. “ I’d say..” chris mumbled. “ tara.. I .. was there when Nancy tried to strangle thalia.. I .. I feel as if its my fault..” he finally said it out loud. “ I told nancy about the text, about what happened to peyton and andrei and..!” he felt something in his throat. As if the words were stuck there. “ I t-think i scared her so badly.. t-that when she got a text.. she just did it..!” chris didn't want to have a mental breakdown. he really didn't. especially not while tara was already feeling horrible. “ this place.. its changing people..” he said softly. “ .. Please.. nothing that bad happened to you right..?” he asked almost desperate. He didn't want to lose tara. he couldn't.

[Tara Macfly]

"Its.. .. It's not your fault..” Chris said. 

Well technically chris was right. It wasn't like it was her who pushed Andrei but... she couldn't help but feel guilty about all of this. She knew she should stop this feeling. It wasn't helping. But it was easier to say than to do.

“ I tripped and hit my head on a desk” he answered her softly. “ It's not bad don't worry..! just.. well.. some blood”

Tara didn't know if she should have insist about knowing how chris really was. Right now she just felt helpless, useless, worried for her best friend. If she was here with him, she would look how bad the injury was, help him treat it. She wanted so luch to destroy that wall between them and see how he was. But she couldn't.

"Are you sure it's not serious ? Did you find any supplies to heal your injury ? Are there people with you who can help you ?" It was the only thing she could do right now. She couldn't even help her injured friend. She was useless. Like always.

"Tara.. I .. was there when Nancy tried to strangle thalia.." Chris began. Oh god no ! Chris saw this horrible event ? She couldn't imagine how horrible it was. To see a fellow comrade trying to kill another.

"I .. I feel as if its my fault.. I told nancy about the text, about what happened to peyton and andrei and..! I t-think i scared her so badly.. t-that when she got a text.. she just did it..! this place.. its changing people..”

So... Nancy wasn't possessed by this entity ? She did it on her own because she was scared to die ?
Nancy was so nice. Always here to help others improving, accepting to give courses, helping people to integrate. And now she tried to kill one of her best friends. Could someone change this much ?

"It's not your fault Chris" Tara said "It seems so weird that nancy did that I can't believe it. Naomi told me that the principal stabbed herself like she was possessed. It seems crazy I know but maybe the same thing happened to Nancy. Because if not..."

If not then the nicest person could become a murderer because of all the trauma they had and the need to survive.

Tara had been afraid of being possessed and not being able to control her body. But being able to kill somebody on her own because the environment had made her crazy was more scaring. Imagining hurting chris made tara want to vomit.

"Anyway it's not your fault"she continued "don't feel guilty about this, please"

“ .. Please.. nothing that bad happened to you right..?” her friend asked sounding desperate.

Tara sighed. She would have liked so much to answer "of course not" but it wasn't the case.
She didn't want to tell him about lizzy and snooty's death. Telling him about the deaths will just make him upsed, sad and desperate. Particularly Snooty's. Telling about someone falling in a hole after chris witnessed his friend dying the same way wasn't the best idea.

"I..." Tara hesitated "Yes I learn and saw really bad things" she finally said. Tears threatened to fall again at the thought of Lizzie and snooty. Her memory still playing snooty's fall continuly.

"But don't worry I will be fine." She add hoping her voice was a little cheerful. "I will try to find you again and together we will find others students and some help to leave this school".

It probably was a really idealistic dream but she really hope it could become true. Now that she knew that chris was alive, very close to her, the future didn't seem this dark than some minutes ago.

[Christopher Kresh]

“Are you sure it's not serious ? Did you find any supplies to heal your injury ? Are there people with you who can help you ?"
The boy sighed. Ofcourse tara would be worried. Good job. He thought. “when it happened thalia tried to stop the bleeding.. but we passed out.. and when i woke up esmeralda was here to help me” he assured her. “its really not a big deal” he said softly. His uniform was covered in blood stains. The wound was not just a scratch.. but he wouldnt die of it right?

“It's not your fault Chris" Tara said "It seems so weird that nancy did that I can't believe it. Naomi told me that the principal stabbed herself like she was possessed. It seems crazy I know but maybe the same thing happened to Nancy. Because if not..." Chris bit his lip. Tara tried to assure him it wasnt his fault. Chris didnt believe it. It was. It was his fault. He shouldnt have said anything then thalia would have been okay. Then he realized. Ryans mother..! The principal! She stabbed herself?!
“oh my god..! Is she okay..?! Does ryan know? ‘

He listened to tara trying to confince him not to worry. He frowned. Tara acted weird.. that could only mean something really bad had happened. “.. tara.. you know you can tell me anything right..?” he asked her. “ you dont have to if it hurts.. but if you do want to share it to get it off your chest.. i am here for you… . .. you know just behind the wall” he tried to weakly make her smile with his stupid joke.

[Tara Macfly]

“when it happened thalia tried to stop the bleeding.. but we passed out.. and when i woke up esmeralda was here to help me” Chris answered her about his injury. “its really not a big deal” he said softly.

Tara was at least a little rassured knowing that Thalia and Esme helped him. But she wanted so much to see by herself, to help him more. But she couldn’t. This wall was separating them. She could just only hope that they will find each other again somehow.

“oh my god..! Is she okay..?! Does ryan know?’’ Chris exclaimed after she revealed what she had learn from Naomi. Shit ! Why did she tell that ? She had been too focused in her train of thought that she didn’t think about the impact the news could have on Chris.

‘’Naomi told me they tried to save her, when it happened, but just after they had been separated and Naomi was in my group. We don’t know how she is now’’ she tells weakly, feeling bad. When Naomi told her this the first time, she had been more worried about herself being possessed like Mrs Truman, than if Mrs Truman was fine. Like always she had been thinking about her little ass first. She was an horrible human being. Now she was really worrying. Could someone survive after stabbing themselves when there was so little items to heal someone ? She really hoped their principal was fine whoever she was. It was a wonderful woman. She had always loved her fight against bullying and she was a fair principal. ‘’I don’t know if Ryan was there with them. I just hope that what Naomi and her group did helped to save her’’ She finished.

“.. Tara.. you know you can tell me anything right..?” he asked her. She didn’t fool him, with her ‘’I will be fine don’t worry’’. She had lost all of her acting skills there. “ you dont have to if it hurts.. but if you do want to share it to get it off your chest.. i am here for you… . .. you know just behind the wall”

She chuckled a bit at the end of his sentence. Chris could always make her smile. She was so thankful to have him in her life. She knew she could tell him everything of course. But she didn’t want to hurt him by telling him someone else died, and she knew i twill hurt to tell the words out loud. It will make everything more real. But in the same time i twas eating her alive. She needed to talk about it. Why was she so complicated as always ?


‘’Thank you Chris, of course I know I can tell you everything’’ She smiled a little ‘’I'm just afraid I will affect you with what I will said’’. She sighed hesitating. Should she shut herself or tell everything to her best friend ?


‘’I’m Sorry’’ She said faintly, she decided to be egostic once again and to tell the whole truth ‘’I… I saw someone falling on a hole. Again. A person I knew, that I trsuted and liked a lot. I think she killed herself.’’ She stopped really hoping chris was fine. Telling the words hurt her but paradoxically telling it to her best friend helped a lot. To accept the reality of it.


‘’Snooty’’ She murmured the girl’s name, a tear falling on her cheeck. It still hurt remembering that she wasn’t in her life anymore. The lovely girl, who helped her in her darkest moments and that tara loved with all her heart and will always love. Tara was still feeling guilty for not being able to help the girl in return.


But she would overcome it. With difficulty but she would. With Chris help, she knew she could. She promised herself that the scene with the knife some minutes ago will not happen again. She will do it for her parents, her future little brother or sister. For dear Chris, always here to help her.


And also for Snooty. She knew the girl wanted her to live. Tara would have prefered that Snooty wanted to live with her.

[Christopher Kresh]

‘’Naomi told me they tried to save her, when it happened, but just after they had been separated and Naomi was in my group. We don’t know how she is now’’
Tara told him. The boy bit his lip. The principal had often kind of creeped him out because of her intense eyes and about how protective she was over ryan. She had been nice however and chris didn't wish the poor woman any harm.
‘’I don’t know if Ryan was there with them. I just hope that what Naomi and her group did helped to save her’’ chris nodded but realized tara couldn't see. “yes.. i do hope so as well.” he said as he sighed. Maybe it was better ryan wasn't there.. that way the boy didn't have to witness his mother getting hurt.. then again. He could also imagine it was better for him to indeed be there for his mother.

When tara started to speak about what had happened to her chris leaned closer to the wall to hear her. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to help her. ‘’I… I saw someone falling on a hole. Again. A person I knew, that I trusted and liked a lot. I think she killed herself.’’ chris listened to her. Shocked. Flashes of amanda falling to her death replayed in his head. Seeing all the blood. Andrei.. the holes.. those weird texts..! Everything!
The boy held on to the wall. He was still overwhelmed. However when she called the name of the person his eyes widened. He knew about her crush. He knew how much snooty meant to tara. “oh my god.. tara i am so sorry” he said as he looked at the ground in shock. What could he say. It was horrible. “ but.. how did she even get here..? Was she someone from school..? Otherwise she shouldnt have been in the building..” he questioned out loud.

[Tara Macfly]

“oh my god.. tara i am so sorry” chris told her after she told him about Snooty's death. Tara wiped her tears and smiled a little. Telling chris had been the right solution. She felt more free and he was the best to understand how she felt. The only one to know about snooty. The only one she told about her online crush. The only one who could ubderstand how much desperate she felt.

“ but.. how did she even get here..? Was she someone from school..? Otherwise she shouldnt have been in the building..” he questioned her.

Tara thought about it a moment. She still hadn't proceed everything that happened with snooty. Now that she could think about it she had so much questions. The same questions chris asked. When she found the girl she had hoped some of them will be answered. It will probably never happen.

"When we were in the entrance hall. I found a letter from snooty in one of the locker. A letter adressed to me, Tara, not to hermione. I think she was a student here, and that she knew who I was. And she was probably a drama club member, it would explain why she was here now" she explained "but I will never know. I couldn't saw her face. I will never know who she really was" she succeed in telling all of this without crying this time even if she wanted to.

"But don't worry too much about me chris, promise ?" She asked her friend "I will be..." but she didn't finished her sentence she began to feel dizzy. Does it mean they will be transfered in another room ? "Chris, I don't feel..." but again she couldn't finish her sentence. She faint.